This morning while we were sitting in the Johns Hopkins cafeteria, waiting for the scan results to come back, Chris looked up from one of the many \u201cThis Is Cancer\u201d magazines that decorate the Weinberg Cancer Building, clearly inspired by one of the articles, and asked, \u201cDid you feel guilty when we got the cancer diagnosis?\u201d I may be paranoid, but I’m pretty sure his eyes suggested I should feel guilty, and I reminded him that I had nothing to feel guilty for, that all the evidence against me was circumstantial and that prosecutors had declined to go forward with the case. Besides, if my nagging really caused cancer, as he claims, people would be dropping like flies all over the country. Our poor doctors and nurses would have goiter-like appendages hanging off of their faces, and without question that incompetent woman at Comcast likely would have just collapsed on the spot from a hemorrhagic brain tumor.<\/p>\n
But apparently some people do feel guilt, anger and a whole range of emotions when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer. Mostly I felt sad and afraid. I remember looking wistfully at the milk in the refrigerator. Milk that I had bought before cancer. How I deleted the e-mail messages that I had written and received before cancer had invaded our lives. They seemed so weightless and simple \u2013 and, overnight, life suddenly seemed more complex and heavy.<\/p>\n
Today, we learned ![\"\"](\"http:\/\/topnews.us\/images\/imagecache\/main_image\/sutent.jpg\")
that Chris\u2019s disease has progressed again \u2013 that while the MDX-1106 perhaps kept it from growing more rapidly, it wasn\u2019t doing enough to contain the disease and we would no longer be able continue on the trial. I felt sad again. No more Thursdays with Fabulous Alice. No more hope-laden infusions of the drug that we\u2019d prayed would \u201cmelt the tumors away.\u201d This was not the miracle we\u2019d longed for. We hope it is for others.<\/p>\n
But just as I threw away the pre-cancer milk, just as we moved on from life before cancer into life after cancer, we\u2019ll move on from MDX-1106. We have a new drug to try and for that, we are thankful. Sutent was not a new concept to us; it was the first drug offered to us \u2013 and is, in fact, the first drug offered to most of those facing metastatic kidney cancer.<\/p>\n
Unlike MDX-1106, which is mild with its side effects, Sutent is known to kick a little ass. As our oncologist, Dr. Hammers, told us in his heavy German accent: \u201cWe’re going to hurt you a little.\u201d Chris actually laughed out loud at this because we\u2019ve come to appreciate Hans use of the English language, and we knew that \u201churting us a little\u201d was Hans\u2019 way of letting us know he wants to hurt the cancer a lot. He pointed out that the intensity of Sutent\u2019s side effects varies with each individual, but he was candid, which we appreciate, in pointing out that Chris \u201cisn\u2019t a large man\u201d and he expected that Chris would feel the full impact of the side effects. This is especially so because Dr. Hammers wants to use the highest dose possible; we can reduce the dosing if the side effects prove too great. We agree with, and have a lot of confidence in, Dr. Hammers. He\u2019s aggressive, and it\u2019s why we\u2019ve stayed with him and will continue to do so.<\/p>\n
Whereas IL-2 and MDX-1106 work on smaller populations but have potentially better and more durable results, Sutent works on larger populations but the results are generally more limited \u2013 both in the lesser likelihood of achieving the holy grail of NED (No Evidence of Disease) and in the fact that we know it will stop working at some point. Still, we know lots of folks who have seen remarkable shrinkage of tumors on this drug \u2013 and have in fact been able to stay on it for years. And if it gives us some time and reduces Chris\u2019s tumor burden, perhaps our miracle will come along yet.<\/p>\n
For now, the MDX-1106 chapter is over, but we have a new chapter to start. And I know you\u2019re all looking forward to Chris\u2019s extraordinary descriptions of hand-foot syndrome, mouth sores, power nausea, Whiny Fatigue Syndrome (my own medical term for what no doubt will be Chris\u2019s excuses for not doing the dishes) and all the things we have to look forward to with this new drug.<\/p>\n
I am sad today, but I\u2019m also hopeful. I\u2019ve sometimes said that living with cancer makes \u201chope\u201d a lifestyle. It\u2019s how Chris and I have chosen to approach this journey. Sad but hopeful \u2013 not a bad way to start a new chapter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today, we learned that Chris\u2019s disease has progressed again \u2013 that while the MDX-1106 perhaps kept it from growing more rapidly, it wasn\u2019t doing enough to contain the disease and we would no longer be able continue on the clinical trial on MDX-1106. I am sad today, but I\u2019m also hopeful. I\u2019ve sometimes said that living with cancer makes \u201chope\u201d a lifestyle. It\u2019s how Chris and I have chosen to approach this journey. Sad but hopeful \u2013 not a bad way to start a new chapter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1636","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ackc.org\/jayedit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1636","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ackc.org\/jayedit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ackc.org\/jayedit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ackc.org\/jayedit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ackc.org\/jayedit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1636"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.ackc.org\/jayedit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1636\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1756,"href":"https:\/\/www.ackc.org\/jayedit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1636\/revisions\/1756"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ackc.org\/jayedit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1636"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ackc.org\/jayedit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1636"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ackc.org\/jayedit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1636"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}